It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Randomize