Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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