yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
