She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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