I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
