I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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