Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
