There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
