My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
