well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize