Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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