It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
