he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
