I can text with my tongue
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
