did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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