naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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