Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
