# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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