that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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