I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize