I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
