benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
