Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
