did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
