i already hear my dad disowning me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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