No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
