Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
