he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize