Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
