Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I want a musical about memes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
