I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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