I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
