just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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