I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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