if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
