I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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