if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize