"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He is an equal opportunity slut.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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