So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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