glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
