It's like God shit irony all over that family
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
