Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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