i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
