i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
