I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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