its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
