I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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