look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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