Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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