My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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