Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
