Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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