I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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