i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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