Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
