I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
