your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
