i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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