i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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