Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
