No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm bleeding and have questions
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
