see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
