I cut my penus on the lid.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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