i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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