and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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