i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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