Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
