No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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