I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
