Sober January is a disaster.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
