You made me cry and you don't even care
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
