Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize