It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
