Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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