I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
