Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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