Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
