Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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