Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
