So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
