she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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