girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
