We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Your cock deserves a montage
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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