i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
