His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
