Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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