do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
