As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
