A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize