My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
