You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
soo... how was my night?
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