Where is the hickey?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
