Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
