I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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