so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
